After having successfully watched the Academy Awards from start to finish for the first time in my life, I would like to offer up my own personal awards.
Best facial expression on camera: Steve Carell, after being listed by Ellen as an example of the diverse crowd in attendance. (Other nominations in the category: Meryl Streep, when her co-stars from The Devil Wears Prada joked about forgetting to bring her latte; Al Gore, for having one.)
Most wooden presentation by a smokin’ hot actress: Maggie Gyllenhaal, who actually only recapped her presentation of the tech awards from the previous night, and badly.
Guy we’d most like to shut up: Tom Hanks. ‘Nuff said.
Presenter standing most awkwardly to the side during an acceptance speech: Clint Eastwood. Though, in his defense, for some reason he was translating. Still, he probably didn’t need to be standing that close.
Audience member least able to look like she understood Italian: Kate Winslet.
Ugliest dress to feature a bow that looked like a shoulder growth: That one Nicole Kidman was wearing.