The obligatory

I used to dread Valentine’s Day. This is because I’ve been broken up with on February 14th not once, but twice. (Once over the phone, which is sort of annoying on general principles, but far less humiliating than being broken up with at the table during dinner. In a restaurant. Note to daters: if she doesn’t respond at all to a homemade valentine that morning, you should probably be worried.)

So you can understand why this day has struck fear in my heart. With a track record like that, when the day rolls around and I’m dating someone, I keep hearing, “Aren’t you going to say anything?” “No, I’d really rather finish my dim sum,” playing in my head.

But I just want to go on record as being one of the few people who doesn’t think Valentine’s Day is a horribly commercial crock of shit. Don’t get me wrong–I’m well aware of the intense marketing that goes on leading up to the day, and the ridiculousness of jewelry advertising in particular. But I also know that corporate America would really like to make money off of all of our holidays, and they just haven’t quite figured out how to tap into that lucrative Arbor Day market yet.

Personally, I think Valentine’s Day should always be like it was in elementary school. We should all just carry around those big construction paper and staple envelopes, and whenever you pass someone, you have to give them a damn valentine. You learn a lot about people this way–who puts lots of effort into their envelopes, who buys candy for all their valentines, who makes all the cards themselves. (Growing up we were the cheap but creative ones–no candy, but all homemade. Also many featured rhymes like “Roses are red, violets are purple–I like you more than maple syrple.”)

Anyway. I have dinner plans tonight, and I’m feeling pretty optimistic. Because I know that with my ladyfriend, tonight does not have to be The Most Romantic Evening Ever, and she’s also not expecting a rock. (I think.)

But, just to be on the safe side, I made sure our restaurant doesn’t serve dim sum.

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